Safer Spaces (creating spaces that feel physically and emotionally safe)

      Creating safer spaces has to do with developing a culture within a space where people feel physically and emotionally safe. Along with setting the intention to create a space that feels safe to those who occupy it, I find it to be important to have clearly defined expectations and processes for how a sense of safety is created and how to address a situation where someone feels unsafe. To this end me and my fellow community members have decided create a safer spaces policy for our community: The Grapevine House Continue reading “Safer Spaces (creating spaces that feel physically and emotionally safe)”

The Economics Behind Sexual Harassment on OK Cupid

I’ve had an OKC account for a while now and as a male identified person primarily seeking female identified people for friends and dating I’ve noticed a lot of women’s profiles have some very strongly worded notices of boundaries around what type of messages and behavior they find unacceptable when interacting through OKC. The frequency with which I see these disclaimers makes it clear that there is a real problem with men contacting women on OKC in ways that are unacceptable, offensive, creepy and unwanted. It seems to me that the harassment problem that is rampant on OKC and sites like it could be dramatically reduced through better policies and user options. The more I’ve thought about it though the more I’ve started to suspect that the worst offending harassers are likely to be OKCs most profitable users.  Below are a few of the problems that exist on OKC followed by some suggestions around how I think things could change.

Continue reading “The Economics Behind Sexual Harassment on OK Cupid”

Writing and recording my 1st album: Stories

The Writing Process

As often it goes with writing music, most of the songs on my album Stories were written during a very difficult time. A lot of the things I had been working towards up to that point in my life had not turned out in the way that I thought they would, which I know is no new story. Some songs on the album were written leading up to my marriage ending and some were written after. I had reached a point where most of the things I thought I was sure about no longer felt so sure. However, even amidst all of the chaos, other things remained as solid as ever. I made the decision that since everything in my life was changing so much anyway, I may as well reconsider everything. During the reconsideration process I started to take special note of those things that have stayed true throughout my journey. These songs each tell the story of some part of the process of pulling apart, clarifying and reexamining myself, my history, and my trajectory.   Continue reading “Writing and recording my 1st album: Stories”

The Simple Life

My goal has become living a simple life. A life where i have time for for the people and things I care about. A life where I eat food that is simple enough that I know how it’s made and where the ingredients came from. I want to eat food whose journey from the ground to my belly is simple, food where no part of it’s production is hidden from me.

I wish for the number of things I choose to own and maintain not to encumber my ability to engage meaningfully with the world around me and the people I love. Continue reading “The Simple Life”

Coming Out As Polyamorous

It’s time to say something about me and polyamory. Anyone who spends time with me regularly knows that I have more than one person who I love and date. Most people who I see occasionally probably don’t know that I’m polyamorous. They will likely see me with one of my sweeties and assume that they are my one true sweetie. Even if they’ve seen me with another sweetie semi recently, the assumption will probably be that there was a breakup and I’m now dating someone new. In a paradigm where monogamy is assumed, people miss all kinds of details and fill in lots of gaps to maintain their monogamous assumptions. Given that polyamory can often go unnoticed, you might ask, “Why make a point of exposing something that is likely to draw criticism and judgment from some people?” Continue reading “Coming Out As Polyamorous”

Blues Dancing with Patriachy

I had an interesting experience while out dancing with a friend recently. We were at a venue seeing some live blues music. We had just been talking about how in the Portland blues dance scene, it’s not necessarily assumed that in a male-female dance partnership that the male will lead and the female will follow. We had mostly been talking about how great it is to have a social dance scene that is breaking down and reexamining gender roles! Just after our conversation about gender dynamics in dance, I turned to a guy that I had seen earlier on the dance floor with his partner and complimented him on his dancing. He returned the compliment, then added, pointing to my friend, “At least she lets you lead.” Then nodding toward his partner, he added, “She can put up a bit of a fight sometimes, but I’m a strong lead!” He then pantomimed some type of physical struggle in which he emerged as the victor.

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The music I listened to growing up, Aka: “The Box-O-Tapes”

Growing up 7 miles outside of a very small western Colorado town means  there was very little radio selection. On top of that what selection we had was weather dependent. There was a Public Radio station, KVNF Radio – which I have to say is a pretty rad station, and some sort of classic rock. I think there was some other stuff, but nothing that was ever thought to be a viable option around my house. Continue reading “The music I listened to growing up, Aka: “The Box-O-Tapes””

Jesse’s Music – An Overview

Playing music is one of the things that gives me energy for life! I’ve been lucky to have a lot of wonderful musicians around since I was young, and  with  their input I began playing guitar at 12. I played a lot of old Folk and Rock songs to start with, then picked up some Blues and Classical in my teens -all of which I still mix together in any which way I see fit at the time. Continue reading “Jesse’s Music – An Overview”